Beyond Mindfulness, Beyond Oneness

What the heck does it mean to go beyond mindfulness, or beyond oneness?

2010-09-07T20:32:00.000-07:00

We often speak of mindfulness as something that we can practice in ourselves as separate individuals. We speak of oneness as an experience between "myself" and "other," whether "other" be a lover, God, musical partner, or nature. In other words we speak of an "experience of oneness" where we as separate entities felt almost like we were the same entity.

This is a very different meaning of oneness than experiencing the realization that we literally are each fingers on the greater hand of life, not separate entities. It is more than an experience of "an individual person being mindful" when one recognizes from the inside that one is in fact part of the ultimate singular whole of consciousness (all Spirit/God/Ourself as one whole interacting with itself) in the ultimate singular whole of body (all matter/bodies/form/Ourself as one whole interacting with itself). When one becomes aware from the inside that both the observation and action of consciousness are facets of a larger whole that is indivisible and all-inclusive--hence the name Ourself-- one will know exactly what "Beyond Mindfulness, Beyond Oneness" means. This is a recognition or insight that everyone is capable of because everyone shares the same fundamental identity--we are all living pieces of reality or Ourself.

I wrote Being Ourself and I wrote this blog because what I experience as consciousness is an awareness that has no separate parts--it is the totality of everything, everywhere, as one whole, interacting with itself. I call it Ourself since it is us, not something we observe apart from us. In other words, my experience of consciousness is that of Ourself--an infinitely diverse, multi-dimensional tapestry of which we are all unique threads-- being aware of ourselves; the whole being aware of its separate parts like we as individuals are aware of our pinky toes and earlobes. Because it seems so many people sense this but are not sure how to connect the dots because there has not been adequate language to do so, I felt an urgent need to develop new language to express the fact that we are not hypothetically one- we are actually one whole interacting with Ourself! The hope is that by developing more descriptive language for this truth we will all become aware that we are no more separate beings or creatures than the fingers on our hands are separate beings or creatures from one another. Fingers are all parts of "hand" just as we are all parts of "Ourself."

Going beyond "mindfulness" and going beyond "oneness" means going beyond the misconception that we are in fact separate, and moving into the wide, open, alive space of Ourself-awareness. Spirituality is not about us as separate individuals reaching "enlightenment," or being "mindful," or recognizing the "interconnectedness" of nature--spirituality is about recognizing fundamentally who and what we all are--one common, singular, and multi-faceted whole interacting and growing with Ourself.

The Folly of the Villainous Portrayal of the Ego in Quasi-Eastern Religious Teachings and Writings

2010-08-27T19:01:00.000-07:00

A friend was telling me about an author whose book is primarily about the "ego" and how "false" it is. It was clear to me that the villainous portrayal of the ego in quasi-Eastern religious teachings and writings is a falseness unto itself. What we refer to as "ego" is the mental conception of our own separateness as individual bodies and/or souls from the rest of existence, and all the associated mental thoughts and constructs built around this fundamental notion of an innately separate "self." To endlessly criticize, undermine, and belittle the "ego," or as I call it, the " 'me, myself and I' dialogue," is to work against life in a reactionary, reversed replica of the patterns of the supposedly defective ego. In other words, talking or writing endlessly about the vileness of our own thinking selves or "egos" is to fully continue in the same vein by continuing to focus on an illusory separate identity rather than turning one's attention towards the recognition that the entire "me, myself and I" dialogue experience is merely the experience of six million little chunks of reality thinking about reality--Ourself reflecting on Ourself or existence pondering existence. The ego aspect of the six (or is it eight by now?) billion people of earth is just reality itself, not some villain within ourselves that we need to consider separate and evil!

In other words, the ego is not a problem unless we are perceiving it as separate. Just love every thought, every feeling, every moment's breath... don't act on every thought, but bravely love each thought of the mind and each feeling of the heart as another facet of Ourself.

Just be Ourself witnessing Ourself. That witnessing is the honoring of Great Mystery. That witnessing, without the baggage of being all tripped out on zen conceptions of self-attainment or enlightenment is being Ourself loving ourselves. This is the naturally embracing way of Ourself that folks who are criticizing or villainizing "ego" just aren't turning on to. By opening up to our fundamental common identity, which is reality itself, we discover the opportunity to truly love all that we are, free from the fear of some supposedly negative and separate part of ourselves called "ego." This is where the subtle play on grammar of Being Ourself as opposed to Being Ourselves comes in. "Ourself" is singular since we as a whole are parts of one larger ultimate whole. It is not the case that the author didn't know that "Ourself" was not gramatically correct, and that he really meant being "ourselves" and ignorantly proceeded to attempt to write a book about how to be authentic using an incorrect word.

In other words the irony is that I wasn't writing about simply being a more authentic you, I was writing about becoming aware that the REAL you is the greater whole that we all fundamentally are aspects of, and then from there coming to a new perspective on your own uniqueness as an individual expression of the greater wholeness.

So here's to loving all that we are: thoughts, feelings, urges, bones, flesh, skin, and so much more... and embracing the spiritual way of Being Ourself which suggests that we don't need to overly focus on any one aspect of being-ness, especially not the "me, myself and I" dialogue, or "ego." By villainizing any part of ourselves we further deepen the rut of separation in our perception. The only sensible relationship to have with thought is an open, loving, and detached one.

Drumming merrily along...

2010-08-02T18:46:00.000-07:00

Snapping snare drum, tom, and cymbal; playing the drumkit is the ultimate proactive/experiential ride.

Rhythm hath no forgiveness, no mercy-- yet no shame or guilt either.

The great rhythmic train of the cosmos, with the incredible diversity of rhythms that somehow all uniquely flow out of the same common whole, choo-choo's on into new territory, new adventures where rhythms must be learned then unlearned, grasped and yet released.

Was Jesus Christ one of the original dialectical cats?

"the first will be last, and the last will be first"

"don't let your left hand know what your right hand is thinking"

"the meek (indigenous or simple, is what I believe he meant) shall inherit the earth"

"love thy enemy as thyself"

Yeah, it's hard to get much more dialectical than Jesus; ironic that so many of his followers lack dialectical perceptual/cognitive capacity-- the ability to see both sides of every continuum rather than a narrow black and white, polarized, fundamentalist view. As Christ himself said, "He who has not sinned, cast the first stone (in judgment)."

"Dialectical Cats" are those unique people who "get it." In other words, they are those inwardly broad and motivated people who recognize that both sides of every coin exist, a continuum of possibility and diversity exists within every individual's "one of a kind" perspective, brain, and experience.

Drumming merrily along-- right left right right - left right left left - right left right left - left right left right...

Play one's song, to one's heart's content.
Stick around for the ride, playing with the band
it's a righteous path to sound.

Thankful for one more beautiful day, spent in wise company- a community of caring professionals learning about personality disorders and how to be most effective and helpful in our work-- God help us, and the personality quirks we ALL struggle with in one form or another as aspects of the greater pattern of the whole of Ourself.

After all, "Created us in his image" implies God has his retarded days-- get real people, the universe is a tough place; it doesn't mean, however, that there is no soul, no God, no heaven, no inner vastness of possibility, does it?

Learning to take our own thoughts and judgments less seriously, and accepting that our judgments primarily reveal our own limitations, not the limitations of those we are judging, this is the way of being Ourself, eh?

We've got to all work at "getting over it." We can all find some ways to participate constructively and creatively as leaders within Ourself. No we can not control the universe or stop suffering from occurring, but we certainly can empower ourselves and one another through knowledge, love, emotional support, sharing, collaborative efforts, and witnessing one another. So let's stand up not simply to our falsely literal exaggerations about God and heaven, but also to our own limited expectations that life be the way we want it to be. As the Rolling Stones sang, "You Can't Always Get What You Want," (but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need, yeah).

Whether it's Keith Richards singing that message, Jesus Christ singing, "give away all that you have and flow with the holy spirit," Buddha chanting, "Life involves suffering, so have radical acceptance, learn to see true nature," or Lao-Tse laughing, "the tao treats us like straw dogs, yet provides all that is true," it all really boils down to the same basic theme--

Everything is thickly dynamic, miraculously delicate, vibrant and complex, and yet divinely simple.

This is the basic theme; everything is one whole interacting with itself, and the more we come to recognize the innate interconnectedness of Ourself-- the whole, the total of inner and outer and everything in-between-- the more we experience the living movement of God, Allah, Jah, Tao, or Great Mystery Source in every moment of our daily lives. We will witness angels delivering simple helpful favors when we are really being Ourself. It is like our intentions lose all separateness from reality's intentions... inner and outer become dimensions of the same place, the same total.

The Thick, Rich Silence of Existence Knows No Hate

2010-08-01T06:35:00.000-07:00

The thick, rich silence of existence knows no hate, discrimination, resistance, separation, or judgment.

We are all aspects of existence, aspects of the silence; so we are naturally bound to one another in the shared struggles of Ourself through our many common vulnerabilities, hopes for safety and security, and basic needs for freedom (independence), and accountability (connection).

So we need to stop hating one another,
and start listening to each other.

We need to start learning from one another,
instead of insisting that everyone else just listen to our way.

We need to stop criticizing each other for having spiritual needs,
and stop criticizing each other for seeking reliably true information.

We need to stop treating both religion and science as though they are fundamentally stupid or wrong.

Polarization and hatred will not bring us any closer to any of our shared common needs or hopes. Great suffering may await us if we do not gather now and reach further into the available simple wisdom of our collective source and substance. We need to learn how to work with Earth rather than against Earth, and with each other rather than against each other.

It is only through realizing that as part of the great wholeness, (our collective identity as aspects of reality period, also called Ourself), we all have the capacity to either understand one another, or at the very least gracefully avoid one another in a dignified, respectful, and sincere manner as aspects not only of the same whole of existence/creation, but as members of the same human family.

World peace begins not with an action alone, but with the recognition of what is common to all creatures and creation...that common silent face of Ourself, the voice of the face in the full moon with it's haunting open mouth singing the high pitched, child-like note of the heart's inner-most calling.

Every Moment Is The Same Moment

2010-07-30T20:28:00.000-07:00

Every moment is the same moment- eternity is the ongoing moment of creation's birth, rising, falling, and passing.

Think of it like a long cool ride on the hour hand; the hour hand can not be seen to move, yet we know that it does and that change occurs, things pass.

In life it is the same way, so even the hardest times become somewhat easier again. We each must develop some faith in the transient nature of passing events and identities so that we can move forth into more stable waves of light efficiently when we are recovering from trauma, transition, or loss. If we fail to recognize that every feeling, thought, and situation changes whether we do anything about it or not, then we fail, too, to notice that we can enhance this process of change by contributing to the work at hand and joining fully with the movement of collective reality/identity (Ourself); this is the true meaning of "healing." We can participate in life most fully by engaging with healing through supporting the direction healing is trying to take through complementary activities such as playing musical instruments, singing, dancing, drawing, painting, sculpting, writing, or simply walking.

So this moment that is always the same moment of eternity's face, in the same sea-like constant motion as waves, is here for us to discover and celebrate. We don't need to do anything particularly complicated or difficult. We simply must come together into all that is, step forth into the wholeness of all that we are-- everything.

Every moment is the same moment called now. Other names might include: eternity, nature, existence, creation, Ourself, Tao, infinity, or everything.

Aleph

2010-07-22T10:40:00.000-07:00

Aleph is the new name that the counseling team I work with is adopting. It was chosen by the owner who stated that she liked the word and its meaning- transformation. I have found that I like the word too. The first thing I thought of was Alexander (one of our names for the twins my wife and I lost subsequently last April and May), Alex, Aleph... but beyond that I found all this interesting, universally appealing, information about the word, which blends well with the idea of being Ourself - as in proactively and joyfully being part of the greater whole. So here are some cut and pasted quotes I wanted to share about Aleph.

The first letter of the Hebrew alphabet is called "Aleph" (pronounced ah-lef). Aleph has no sound of its own, but usually has a vowel associated with it.

That makes me think of holy spirit, silent living presence of God in every moment, or the ever-vibrant glow of Ourself. The letter that comes before sound itself, Aleph.

The two "yods" that form the shape of the letter Aleph "indicate the paradox of experiencing God as both hidden and close, far and near."

Aleph was the first letter, the building block for "the word" that allowed creation to follow, biblically speaking.

So Aleph indicates the bedrock on which we can all achieve "transformation." The bedrock being the original building block, or reality in its most essential form, Ourself, onething.

Be In Ourself, Being Ourself

2010-07-10T21:06:00.000-07:00

Before now and after,
there is a time none like the present,
where aftermath and introductions have blended before now and after,
and in the big moment, now, like there ain't gonna be no tomorrow, right?

Open big heart, open to bigger mind,
open the way to bigger and better things,
travel anew asunder, and pilgrimage forth into tomorrow's destiny through today's drama.

Pounce forth big cat, tiger paw kid, pounce, puff, pounce...

Listless, lying in the sun; anxiously pacing about in the early afternoon shade.

Euuhhh...ehh... ah. Drat that. Perceive, and pursue; delight and delay. Open tomorrow, open today, into the heavens and beyond through infinity back through to today... Don't delay, open up today! Aim forth, tomorrow's busted dreams awaken glowing embers of pain embedded in contexts mysterious and often unknown to the human mind... spirit can understand in silent consolation... containment in loving silence.

Be here, be in this place, be in that which we are all of, Ourself; be in Ourself!

In these times... weird-ass times in the big picture story of mother earth... herstory.

2010-06-28T20:44:00.000-07:00

If the power goes out one day, everywhere, all at once, what will you do?

Who will your true allies and friends be? Who are your true spiritual allies in the broader community of Ourself?

There is a tree like branching of limbs, what you might describe as a limbic system (like ours)... we each occupy a branch on a bigger branch, a reaching limb expressing our special uniqueness, in conjunction/relationship/co-existence with local and inter-dimensional beings that are also branches in the great tree of Ourself.

Feel the limb that you are-- which finger on which hand, which ear on which head, which leaf on which bush, which limb on which branch of Ourself is your true self...

Breathe and be your own special branch. Watch the other branches around you, especially the ones directly connected to you such as your children, grandchildren, sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers. Watch them all grow as you grow, all and all, all y'all being Ourself, loving ourselves.

We the Together People

2010-06-28T20:25:00.000-07:00

We the together kind of people ought to remind ourselves to recognize the wild freedom of being Ourself rather than being rapped up in the self-rooted tangles of the me, myself, and I dialogue. It is for this reason that we gather and work collectively, so that we can encounter truer patterns of relationship. Authentic relationships are carved through the shared truths of co-authorship, or co-responsibility and co-accountability. There is a mist like presence that is aroused by the gathering of God- or spirit-centered folks which becomes like a smoke screen through which relationship continually reveals answers to otherwise frozen or locked questions.

Who Will the Survivors of the Future Apocalyptic Age Really Be? Ty Clement thinks that...

2010-06-21T16:19:00.000-07:00

Who Will the Survivors of the Future Apocalyptic Age Really Be?

By Ty Clement

Of course they will be those who have realized that we are sooooooooooo mucccchhhhhhhhh brighter and more intelligent as one functional whole than we are as "individualism" driven maniacs in wild and dangerous competition with one another. At our best, we are all "Ours-Elves" (ourselves being our common identity, Ourself); like some wild indigenous tribe, those who truly recognize our fundamental commonality are going to be forced to gather and form a sane and bountiful social culture, and then develop dynamic armed forces of natural technologies (such as shamanism, herbalism, homeopathy, and energy work- in essence, PRAYER ... living prayer, in motion in a natural way like you feel when you are walking through the woods) merged with scientific, technological, and medical forces (which of course are the very things that have brought us to this exact point, the brink of environmental and human-family-race-catastrophe, whether it ends up being cataclysmic or not).

In short, we all need to learn real survivalist skills in a natural way, or adopt an authentic and indigenous style of using technology if we want to be active participants in the dominant healthy society that may evolve if current earth tremors actually end up reaching more cataclysmic proportions. Let's see if we can all try to learn to participate together in harmony and maturity, overcoming our differences through our common unity as people. Let's really get our shit together now humankind, and lets figure out how to thrive in COMMUNITY!

Now it might seem arrogant to state such mad-ravings, but I do so because I have the good fortune to work in a thriving community that I can only describe as a bizarre, interfaith, strengths-based, and recovery-based spiritual collective. It's called Winds of Change. Soon the therapy team will be branching away from the case management and group home services of Winds of Change, and into an exciting morph, a transformation of the availability of evidence-based therapy practices for Missoulians. This morph, or transformation is Aleph, the first letter in the Hebrew language that has no sound, and is symbolically associated with that in-between place between life and death, between in breath and out breath, between love and anger, and between hope and frustration-- where creativity reigns inspiring open hearts aligning towards a united goal. For me the word Aleph symbolizes everything I meant the word Ourself to mean, just like Tao, Truth, Atman, Intelligence, Wise Mind, or any other word whose only real meaning or point is to be a reminder to go deeper, to breath deeper, and become Ourself by really being Ourself collectively in community.

We are all experiencing Michael Moore moments in our lives right now! Whether we are Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish, or Indigenous/First People we are all united by one another's pain and suffering as individual aspects of the whole human family, what Ty Clement calls Ourself-- it includes all of us, and everything everywhere, before, after, and everything in-between.

2010-06-21T16:02:00.000-07:00

We are all experiencing Michael Moore moments in our lives right now. Whether we are Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish, or Indigenous/First People we are all united by one another's pain and suffering as individual aspects of the whole human family. Being Ourself means being considerate of one another's true needs to express individual talent and prerogative, and supporting one another in that pursuit of collective harmony and the sharing of talent, intelligence, and uniqueness.

2010-06-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

If you only have yourself to be accountable to, and are living in isolation emotionally, life will lack the magic of collective interdependent creativity and spirituality. Being a part of a team- whether it is your work team, play team, spiritual team or blood family- is what brings your true gifts to light.

Working with others is a following and leading dance; "blending and celebrating, blending and celebrating"
-the Hopi way

While we work with others we heal ourselves by participating in a larger, cooperative, organically thriving, whole- thereby reclaiming our holistic, common, fundamental identity, Ourself. Our original identity- who we are first and foremost is REALITY ITSELF. That is what I refer to as Ourself- it is the thing that is "us" for ALL of us, everyone and everything, everywhere. When we perform well within an effective team, learning and growing all along the way, we rediscover the Garden of Eden -ish quality of being nature interacting with itself- as opposed to feeling like separate, isolated, driven, individual, unit-like, automatons!

So let's all ask ourselves today, "Have we succeeded at finding some form of system to exist within emotionally?"

If the answer is "no" then perhaps consider looking for a group to participate in- a group of folks with some common interest or experience. If you are lucky, you might find a work environment that works both as an emotional system of community and as a place to grow professionally. Other possibilities include playing doubles tennis with the same three friends on a weekly basis, playing in a musical ensemble or band, joining a book club, or simply going to the same coffee shop at a similar time everyday and socializing (meeting people gradually without force).

The full dynamic experience of being Ourself requires our interfacing with multiple systems, so get started on at least one or two if you want to watch your life actually take root and grow something worth tasting.

When We Recognize the Common

2010-06-12T09:22:00.000-07:00

When we recognize the common, we recognize the common source through the common substance- the substance of existence/creation that we are all woven from and within.

The common is the "Our" in "Ourself"- the ultimately inclusive wholeness to which we all belong... Recognizing the common allows us to experience "loving our neighbor as ourselves" (we are all Ourself loving Ourself, not "me" vs. "everyone else" as our minds so oft portray), and also "love thy enemy as thyself" (recognize how f*&%'d up it is that though we are all aspects of the same whole interacting with itself, we all keep insisting on our own particular ethnicity's definition of reality and ultimacy being the "only" way, hence all the violence over supposed questions of religion).

Let's all discover the common ground of Ourself together today. Let's be Ourself together as one greater whole NOW... we are ready NOW. The time has come to become as ONE.

Aleph

2010-05-24T17:11:00.000-07:00

2010-05-23T18:47:00.000-07:00

This autobiography will alert one to the tragic spiritual and human damage that colonialist missionary practices inflict on indigenous children and families. Most importantly it will lead one to an immediate awakening to a new level of interactivity between spirit and substance brought to fruition through community and mentor style leadership. Malidoma's story speaks to the spiritual needs of all people seeking healing from rigid religious groups, cults, or rigid, materialist atheists. His sharing of African earth/original people ritual healing traditions has brought amazing new dimensions to my own family life and musical life in the pacific-northwest, country western-world music tribe the voodoo horseshoes www.voodoohorseshoes.com

Malidoma had this to say about Being Ourself:

"The indigenous community recognizes that the collective and the individual move together in a dance of interdependence, as essential elements in the 'whole' of community. Each of us is a thread in the garment of Ourself ; our survival may well depend on us hearing this message from the world of spirit."

Malidoma's autobiography made real the unreal to my perceptions, and made the impossible seem like the obvious-all that was required of me was believing in life- the ancestors, the angelic beings, etc. Thanks Malidoma for helping my spirituality be jump started back to life. Keep makin' the magic real!

2010-05-23T14:39:00.000-07:00

Being Ourself asserts that "our" taken to the collective extreme of everything and everyone is a singular, all-inclusive, absolute category; hence, "Ourself." It is true that being Ourself is synonymous with "being of God," however,being Ourself is not a lack of humility, it is a lack of separateness-from God, and from one another as human beings. Reality is one whole interacting with itself, and we are all unique facets of that whole just waiting to blossom with our authentic contributions.

2010-05-14T21:41:00.000-07:00

We all must choose how far to stray, how far we are willing to commit to staying stuck in one paralyzing situation or another. We all must ask ourselves if we are truly recognizing the bigger patterns of Ourself the whole and how we as unique facets fit in. There are so many moments where we have the opportunity to offer another individual our loving audience and support--some moments with strangers, others with kin...

Do we enliven and engage at these opportunities or do we turn a deaf ear and a blind eye because it is easier to remain engaged only with our own thinking?

The opportunity to proactively be Ourself exists in every moment's breath. Let's all start taking the chances we are given to breath with Ourself, to be with Ourself; to recognize who and what we all really are-- the great mystery of which we are all parts.

"Social Work" is sort of a funny label. It suggests something quite simple though-- working with people; of course that is what "social" and "work" mean together. I love working with people. Sharing Dialectical Behavior Therapy, being teacher and learner both, of the motion of the paradoxical tensions innate to every side or angle on things. I also loved working with people as a medical home health social worker, working with amazing Montana seniors, some of whom had stories about interacting with natives only wearing loin clothes and taking family vacations via covered wagon-- a week trip there from Lakeside, MT, and a week trip back with a week at the destination, Hot Springs, MT. I also listened to true tales of near death journeys from the travelers themselves-- tales of traveling through realms of butterflies and wildflowers, and eventually transcendence to the place where only knowing exists, and where I was told God and everyone we've ever known and loved are all instantaneously available to us as pure consciousness with no form... a landslide of energy, togetherness, understanding; put simply, a place where everyone recognizes at last that everything, everywhere, co-exists as nothing more or less, before or after, Ourself, the great mysterious whole and source.

2010-05-07T18:03:00.000-07:00

Out beyond mindfulness, where nothing means nothing, and things stop making sense--
this is where I find prairies flowing into woodlands, littered with roaming deer, hares, and hawks.

Beyond the greater whole that we're all of (oneness, Ourself), there is that same chaotic natural beauty and order that is organized as non-order... yet traces remain of momentary intentions, narrative lines within evolution or natural history. What else have we to call this ordered supposedly random uni-verse but God or mother nature (which even atheist science professors absentmindedly use without ever fessing up to the real object referred to by the term "mother nature").

Is there anything else to do but dialectically dance along both sides of every highway, knowing that preference and citation of opinion are both risky affairs to be brought forth only under genuine requirement. Now go free, heart of hearts within-- discover dawn's crisp dawning, letting the sun's warmth dry dew and make humidity which of course plants and mosquitoes love and we despise.

Back in Action

2010-04-23T18:20:00.000-07:00

Howdy from Missoula, Montana! Wow, what a bizarre and difficult year! Noone ever said being Ourself was easy! In fact, I find that if we are really engaged with Ourself we find ourselves experiencing strange and mysterious phenomena on a daily basis, and some of these phenomena are very painful even if they are simultaneously miraculous. This is the kind of experience my wife and I had last April 22, 2009, Earth Day, when my wife gave birth at 25 weeks to our baby without a heartbeat, and then again six weeks later when my wife unexpectedly passed a second dead baby (twin) that the doctors had never noticed in ultrasounds. For six weeks after the initial stillbirth my wife and I slowly walked through forests and fields of yellow and purple wildflowers talking and being nurtured by nature. After six weeks, while on one of our walks, my wife said she still felt like she was experiencing an active loss as she was still spotting and felt like she had not even begun to start healing. She also said her fertility felt wounded by unsupportive comments from friends and family when she had told them she was pregnant. I said to her, "It's too bad we don't know an energy healer or something who could work on your belly." Seconds later we turned a corner through some trees and entered a beautiful meadow, and my eyes were instantly drawn to a large rock shaped just like a pregnant belly and breast silhouette emerging from the earth. I told my wife, "Look at that rock, doesn't it look like some sort of fertility rock?" We approached it and saw that it was surrounded by broken glass. We knelt and spontaneously and simultaneously began picking up the glass like a healing ritual for my wife's fertility that felt like it was full of the shattered shards of hurtful comments from people she would have hoped would have been loving and supportive. We finished cleaning the glass and my wife felt a weight lifted as she silently prayed to our deceased baby. We walked home feeling amazed at this impromptu ritual that had emerged straight from mother nature's womb like some sort of indigenous fairy tale, and feeling very close and peaceful. We got home, had dessert with the kids, put them to bed, and wham, my wife began bleeding profusely and passed a large chunk of placenta. We rushed to the emergency room, not knowing why there was more placenta or why she was bleeding- though we instantly made a connection between this movement and the spontaneous ritual we had experienced as a gift from nature just one hour before. My wife had to have a DnC at the hospital, and by the next morning was feeling much better and lighter than she had for six weeks. She also no longer looked gray and lifeless, but instead had color in her cheeks again. We still didn't know why more tissue and blood had come flowing so suddenly, and assumed that there had just been tissue still attached to the uterine lining. The doctor's didn't say otherwise, and it wasn't until we talked to our midwife a few days later, and she stated that she had seen the whole placenta at the birth, and that it sounded to her like there had been a twin, that we suddenly realized what had happened. We consulted with the ER doctor who had performed the DnC and he confirmed that he had removed fetal remains and placental tissue. My wife had still been actively experiencing loss as she had stated- she had been losing blood and holding on unconsciously to our baby's dead twin for six weeks. It was a miracle that she had not died either from the immediate hemorrhaging or from infection from carrying around a dead baby for six weeks. It was a miracle that we had received a ritual to help her to release this second baby. It was a miracle that at the scheduled stillbirth my wife had a near death experience where she met the first baby surrounded by purple light in a field full of yellow flowers and he had explained why he could not have survived, and that six weeks later while hemorrhaging she had veigeled and had a second near death experience where she met the first baby's twin brother also surrounded by a purple aura in a field of yellow flowers. It was a miracle that we had never managed to choose a single name for either a girl or boy, and had twin names for either without knowing we had twins- Simon-Alexander or Sage-Ella. So much made sense that had not made sense until we understood there had been twins. We experienced many more subtle miracles during and after these, and yet we also were suffering from grief, loss, and a sort of PTSD-like reaction to the miracles because of their intensity and the palpable interactivity of the spiritual dimension, and to holding our tiny dead baby, who was so beautiful that the words "created in God's image" came to life. By October we realized it still felt like April to us; our brains had lost touch with time as is typical with PTSD. It has been a long year of healing, and during that time I became employed full time practicing Dialectical Behavior Therapy (teaching mindfulness and dialectical synthesis to individuals with borderline personality disorder and mood disorders), and have struggled with the harsh reality of child sexual abuse which almost all of my clients have suffered from and shared horrific details of in therapy. In short, it has been a year of enormous suffering, and miracles of healing, and so I have been missing in action from the internet and from trying to share Being Ourself with the world. Now I am back in action, having celebrated the one year anniversary of our loss yesterday on Earth Day. Being Ourself is about coming to life, and when we come to life surprises begin to happen, both ecstatic and painful, but we never wonder if we are really living again.

Finding That We Are Within Ourself

2008-06-19T09:22:00.000-07:00

We think of inside our body as “inside” and outside our body as “outside.” When we begin to see through the façade of separateness and recognize the common essential nature we share with everything, and begin to release our awareness from the stringent grip of self concern/thinking, we relax into the awareness that all that we are is within. Everything we are aware of is within something bigger; in fact, within something really REALLY big! We are within the whole of everything everywhere. And if we really relax into that awareness it feels a little bit like finding ourselves safely and securely within God’s own imagination, nestled divinely in God’s infinitely loving and beautiful dream (which admittedly has nightmarish moments). For me, this is where I want to be, where I want to heal. And the thing is, it isn’t just a guided meditation fantasy… it’s the truth. Being in and of reality is being in and of eternity, life, love, energy, happiness, and wholeness. I am so glad to know that I live within Ourself. I am so glad we are all here together.

Welcome, New Visitors

2008-06-16T19:58:00.001-07:00

Hi to anyone visiting this blog which is obviously just getting going. To read the original post that states my original goals/hopes for this blog, click 2008 on the right hand side of the page, under Blog Archive, that has a (number) in parentheses next to it which is the number of posts from 2008. You can add a comment to the original posting, or the most recent and feel free to just ramble off any thoughts/reactions you have to anything here or from your own unique vantage point within this vast whole.
Peace and love,
Ty

Link to author's beliefnet page

2008-06-09T16:17:00.000-07:00

http://community.beliefnet.com/tyclement

Being Ourself Homepage

2008-06-03T13:41:00.000-07:00

Being Ourself Homepage

MySpace.com - Ty Clement - 36 - Male - MISSOULA, Montana - www.myspace.com/tyclement

2008-06-03T13:39:00.000-07:00

MySpace.com - Ty Clement - 36 - Male - MISSOULA, Montana - www.myspace.com/tyclement: "http://beingourself.blogspot.com"

Beyond Mindfulness, Beyond Oneness

2008-05-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

When I realized in high school (1988) that reality was one whole interacting with itself, and that I was merely a facet of this one thing along with everyone and everything else, I experienced an incredible new sense of freedom and confidence with my new found primary identity--reality itself.

As I began reading about Eastern religions, talking with people who did different kinds of meditation practices, etc., I found that the focus tended to dead end at a place I was already familiar with--simultaneous awareness of "internal" aspects of reality (thinking, feeling, longing) with "external" aspects of reality (surrounding sights, sounds, other life forms, other people, etc.) as one infinite and constantly changing whole.

What I was looking for was a way to go beyond the bliss of "mindfulness" or "oneness" and begin moving from the wholeness. To some degree I had already begun to experience this kind of movement simply through the opening of my awareness of identity from "me, myself, and I" to "reality." I knew this to be true because my high school jazz band teacher who I had studied with for two years turned to me after a performance and said, "What happenned to you? You're like a different drummer-- you can really swing!" While I was enjoying a freer way of moving and being in the safe and controlled artistic setting of playing jazz, I still had no idea how to approach such questions as "What kind of work should I be preparing myself to do?" or "Should I be going to college?"

I have been exploring what it means to act from the wholeness that I first consciously recognized in high school ever since. In high school and college I explored music improvisation, dance improvisation, dramatic improvisation, and various spiritual practices that were about developing spontaneity, intuition, and authenticity through movement. I also spent a lot of time doing activities that demanded immediate awareness/action such as racquet sports, throwing pottery on the wheel, and backcountry skiing. To this day I enjoy a wide variety of cultural activities which naturally elicit movement from wholeness--though as a parent of five boys much of this activity is within a domestic paradigm, such as short order cooking for seven (including my wife and I). I am still working on navigating the big issues, such as "What do I want to be when I grow up?" but the further I go, the more clear becomes the sense that this whole journey of evolving as an individual is just another limb of the whole in progress.

My upcoming book, Being Ourself, is a bit of a roadmap leading readers beyond "mindfulness" and into the living experience of being reality itself (or being "Ourself," the singular whole we are all aspects of). It goes on to point out that when we recognize ourselves as part of the whole our distinctness and uniqueness are not lost, but instead become more clear and potent. The book also explores the effect being aware of ourselves as Ourself has on our relationships with others. The book's website is www.beingourself.com

I am creating this blog because I am very interested in meeting other individuals who have a similar notion that there is something beyond the bliss of mindfulness or oneness--some kind of living manifestation of the oneness to be explored and lived. Please say "hi" if you are out there, and feel free to share both your wisdom and your ongoing questions. Maybe through an ongoing shared discussion we can help each other as a community to move beyond mindfulness, beyond oneness, and into a time when, in John Lennon's words, "the world can live as one."

Thanks and Aloha,
Ty Clement